Protected: Sizzletron
Posted on May 14th, 2013 at 11:47 pm by peter

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Protected: final copy beast of r’lyeh
Posted on June 6th, 2011 at 1:18 pm by peter

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argh
Posted on November 19th, 2010 at 11:15 pm by peter

okay so I’m writing this big long story that’s a few thousand words and I got tired so I wrote this. I’m not planning on it winning a hugo so don’t worry about it lol.

Every day, there was a pianist, who lived in a hotel in New York City. Every day at about 6 in the afternoon he would leave his little apartment and walk to his job in an unimportant restaurant a couple minutes away.

At about the same time, there would be a little known taxi driver who would be going through the same street every day, to try and give rides to everyone taking the night shift. He would stop and let a little old baker cross, then continue on his way.

And there was that little old baker who lived on nameless street. Every afternoon, a woman with 2 children would come in, buy a croissant, then leave for work.

On the same street on which the woman with 2 children would get a package for her work, go across the street and buy a croissant from the baker, then she’d deliver the package to her work.

In the same city there was a delivery truck driver who would get a few packages from the friendly man with a beard, he would drive around the city delivering packages and would always remember to deliver to the woman with two children.

At the same delivery service, there would be a friendly man with a beard, he would get a few packages and he would put them on the trucks and send them off to their destinations.

Living in the same apartment as the friendly man with the beard, was his roommate. He was the jolly sort of fellow with a good girlfriend who he loved very much.

A few blocks down the street was a girlfriend. She would go to class all day and study all night. She was determined to succeed in life.

Of course eventually determined people succeed correct?

One day, the girlfriend got a letter that said she was accepted to her favorite university. She quickly packed up her life and left. Deciding that she can’t bring her boyfriend, she ended their relationship.

A few blocks down the street there lived a roommate who had just had his life crushed. He took his friend with the beard and went clubbing to sooth his troubled heart.

But that turned out to not be such a good idea, because the friendly man with the beard got a little too drunk and got to work late. As a result, all of the delivery trucks ran a little late.

The delivery truck driver made up a little time, but he didn’t get to the woman with two children’s hours until late.

The woman with two children didn’t get the package until around the time the bakery was closing. She ran across the street and got there just as he locked the door.

The baker locked the front door just as a the woman with two children came up behind him. She asked him if he could let her in but the baker refused since he had already thrown out the scrap food.

The taxi driver got to the same traffic stop as usual, this time he didn’t see the baker anywhere so he didn’t stop. He kept driving and got to the next intersection just a few seconds early. He bent down to get a bag of chips from under the seat.

The pianist stepped into the road as he always did, he stepped into the street, he looked to his left and saw a taxi cab coming towards him, he froze. “Stop!” he said, but to no luck. The taxi kept coming towards him. He turned around and made a beeline back to the sidewalk, but he the taxi was coming to fast. The pianist slipped and fell. With the taxi bearing down on him and the driver utterly unaware there was nothing to do. The pianist held up his hands, as if it would ease the pain to come.

“Taxi” yelled someone on the sidewalk. The taxi cab driver heard what always come as bliss to a cabby’s ears, and screeched his car to a halt. The pianist was saved, he got up and went on his way. The cab driver went on his way, having recently earned a new customer, and the woman with 2 children who unknowingly saved someone’s life that day.

Shortest horror story ever.
Posted on August 29th, 2010 at 12:18 am by peter

There was a guy watching tv. He was the last man on earth. Then there was a knock on the door.

He went blind.
Posted on August 28th, 2010 at 8:44 pm by peter

The ambulance shook as it raced down the road. George was rocked silly as the gurney he was on shook with the drivers crazy turns. He could feel the paramedics touching him and searching for some sort of bruise or mark that showed he hurt something. They had asked him a few questions earlier just because they couldn’t believe he just woke up blind like he had. It was sort of hard to believe. He went to sleep last night with 20/20 vision and woke up blind. It was truly crazy. He couldn’t believe it himself. After he accepted that he actually couldn’t see, he grabbed his cell of the nightstand and called 911.

George felt the ambulance and the paramedics pulled him out and took him inside. They took him to the ER where more doctors came and tested him then retested on him. After a few hours of the blood testing and tissue testing and so many other testings, they finally gave up. They pushed him to the ‘intensive care’ unit and left him their for the rest of the day,or night. He wasn’t sure since he woke up at an unknown point in the day and that was an unknown amount of time ago. A few nurses came in and talked to him but he didn’t say much. He wasn’t much of a ‘talker’. He got one of them to turn on the radio and listened to that. Since it was playing continuous music with no commentary, he assumed it was night. He fell asleep. When he woke up the radio was on 103.2 ‘the quack’. Which made him ecstatic. He hated the radio station but he knew who listened to it. “Cassey?” He said. “George your awake. That’s great. How are you? Good?”  “Well I can’t see, but other then that I’m good.” She was trying to sound excited but she was obviously far more nervous. “Ya about that. Umm” She hesitated to say it. “The doctor says it’s not a temporary thing. He says your permanently blind.” Georges heart dropped at the word ‘permanently’. “He said that? Did he say why I’m blind?” “No and there’s something else.” “George had been in this position before and thought he knew what was going she was going to say, but he couldn’t believe it. “I’m in a difficult spot in my life” She waited for a reply. “So?” George waited for her to further ruin his life. “I think I should go. And I don’t think I’m going to come back. Goodbye.”  He heard her footsteps as she left his room. George laid his bed back. He tried to comprehend what just happened. But the doctor came in right after she left. He was silent. Never a good sign. “I have good news, I’ve found out why your blind.” “But you can’t fix it?” “oh, well um yes we can’t fix it.” “Well tell me then, why is my life over?” “Well when was the last time you talked to your parents?” “10 years ago when I was 18. They are religious nut jobs and I hate them. That’s why they aren’t here.” He heard the doctor pull up the chair to his bed. “Well we called your parents and they are here. ” Georges felt himself get mad. Stupid doctors going behind his back like that. “Do you ever remember your dad saying if you masturbate to much you can go blind?” “Ya but why the  BEEP does that matter?” “Hey don’t use that kind of language.” He hadn’t heard his dad enter but he was already annoyed with them. “Well you see…” The doctor started. “are you kidding me?” George shouted in disbelief.” “Told you so.” His dad said.

Protected: The beast of R’lyeh 2
Posted on June 22nd, 2010 at 6:57 pm by peter

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I got bored so I decided to post a picture of a penis.
Posted on June 17th, 2010 at 8:55 pm by peter

It’s actually my penis

It's my penis!

It's my penis!

HONEY BUNNY!!
Posted on May 10th, 2010 at 11:03 am by peter

"Does this mean you are rejecting your noodly master?" said taytay. "We can’t reject what doesn’t exist." said the man in lack. "but we have proof ot it! The rising global temperatures, the decrease in temperature, the incread in height…"  "Are all lies! you claim people like me are ruining the world but it is actually you who woul give all the worlds wealth to those who don’t know how to hold it,," TayTay had had enough. "if only you were more coy with your beliefs, you might have survived this night." Then she turned around and started hopping away. The man in black yelled after her "oh look! the rabbit flees! Ha! When you make a threat lke that you should back it up!" TayTay ignored him. She would back it up that night. At the moment she had more important things to do, or rather, she had things that could not be moved as easily.

She walked down the sidewalk a couple of blocks until she came to the house numbers 1134 ootog st. She opened the mailboc and took the keys her previous employer had unwillfully left her. Then she took the car in the driveway. She drove slowely away, She still had an hour before school got out. No need for her to rush.

She checked her watch. 2:35, he would be crossing the street right then, She floored the gas, pushing the car to 150 mph. She turned her eyes to the roar. She would only have a second or two after she turned onto the schools road to aim the car. Plus she had to try and his only the kid as there were probably multiple kids crossing at that time.

She turned onto oak street, passed over a bridge, narrowly misses hitting a school bus, realizes that oak was a tree AND a name of a street and how ironic that is, before finally catching sight of the  boy. She moved her car slightly to the laft and BAM!!!

Her car hits the boy like he is a bag full of tomatoe soup. Luckily the car was already red so no one noticed. Then she sped off to her next target.

She waited outside the court house for 3 hours before he came out. When he di, he was of course surrounded by lawyers. She knew they were for physical protection, As opposed to legal. She knew they were all armed. She hit the gas. The big bunny jumped over her car, but all his lawyers lacked the kind of acrobatics skill and they were crushed liked a beetle under a bulldozer with fat albert driving. She brought the car to a screeching stop. She got out of the car. "hello honey" she said.

She stared at her ex husband, and he stared back in horror. He was taller then her. He was as big as a tree. A tree that happened to be 7 foot three. But she still had the edge on him. She had a womens scorn. And a gun. The gun probably really turned the tables on him. “You’ve been giving away my eggs for too long, honey.” “Screw you!” he said. “good point, you shouldn’t be able to screw anyone.” She fired the gun twice and it was so. The bigger of the bunnies now seemed very small as he was writhing around on the ground in pain. Tay Tay walked over to him and with one bullet into his big buck toothed mouth, she ended it.

After that she went back to the mall. She asked around and found out where the man in black lived. He lived in a big black house with a big black louse. She snuck in through his bedroom window. She was confused as to the best way to kill him. What should she cut first? Or should she use her gun? Maybe cut open his throat so blood ran down into his lungs and he drowned in his own blood? Although the prospect of making him hemmorage was appealing, she instead went for his nose cause how funny would it be to go to sleep happy and wake up noseless?

He woke up screaming. Tay Tay held him down. She had barely started cutting through his nose. It was like she was cutting cardboard with a butter knife. It was working, just slowely.

When she finally got his nose off, he showed it too him and said “See this? Your going to eat this!” She laughed. He closed his mouth, unwilling to choke on his own nose. “fine, want to play it that way do we?” She took her knife and stabbed her blade into his eye hard enough that no part of her knife was visible past the waves of squirting blood. The pain made him scream. She took that opportunity to shove his nose down his throat. Then she let him up. He jumped out the window and ran outside into the street.  He tried to scream but he had no air in his lungs due too it being occupied by his nose. He fell down on the street and waited for death to take him, but Tay Tay wouldn’t make it that easy. Tay Tay straddled over the man in black. She stabbed her knife into his stomach. She made a huge gash into his stomach. She pulled out his intestines, she did it quickly cause he was losing blood and air and like everything he needed to live. He was laying down quietly. She took his intestines and made him sit up to look at her, then she started playing jump rope with them. She did it very well, being a bunny and all. Then the man in black died, she giggled to herself. ‘today was just another day in the life of me’ she thought to herself. Unfortunately, a drunk Josephine klements had just gotten her GED and was celebrating by driving down the street at, well, really fast speeds.

Tay Tay was hit was hit by the car like Earkel would be hit by chuck Norris.

Moral: If you don’t like this story then you can just go away and keep reading your twilight books.

xactly
Posted on April 17th, 2010 at 8:23 pm by peter
yes

yes

seeing if this will work lol

Everyone needs a genie story!
Posted on April 12th, 2010 at 8:26 pm by peter

“OH EM GEE!” cried daho. “what are you going to wish for?” “I dunno said josepener. “well no point holding it off any longer.” josepener rubbed the lamp. A genie popped out. “okay thanks for letting me out. I can give you one with now. Anything you could ever want, that is in my power, I will do.”  it said. “okay” he said “I want to be famous!” “well normally I would be able to do that but you’ve got too much acne to be in the lime light for long.” “okay, then I want a miracle acne cream!” “HA!” laughed the genie. “No amount of any cream can cure that mess you call a face!” “okay” grumbled josepener. “I want a million dollars!” “I’ve been stuck in a lamp for 5000 years! Do you really think I have that kind of money?” “okay then what can you do?” he said. “well I can build stuff” said the genie. “Okay then, I want you to build a bridge that starts in china then goes through the us too britain. So I can just get on it and go wherever i want too go.” “naw” the genie said. “too much work, anything else?” Josepener thought for a moment then said, “okay I got it.” “okay well what is it” asked the genie. “I want to understand women!” said josepener with excitement. 

The genie responded “Okay so did you want two or four lanes on that bridge?”

Moral: Really should be self evident.

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