ug stops global warming
Posted on December 24th, 2007 at 1:01 pm by peter

 One day ug was hunting chickens in Madagascar when suddenly, a huge wave emerges out of now where! He drops his chopsticks and climbs into a hole, he stays their for 20 years before finally he decides the wave is gone, now when he sees the environment it looks completely different. There are trees and bushes and it is hot! So he decides that global warming has happened, now why it occurs is controversial. Some people think the decrease of pirates caused the increase of temperature. But ug knows that when you are cold and you ride a bike for a long time you get hotter. So ug decides that to many people are riding their bikes. Only one thing can stop this, and only one person can stop this. And in that moment he decides who will stop this. Well not really, he takes a few moments to decide between chuck Norris, curios George and himself.  But he decides himself. He decides that he shall assassinate all bikes!           He must find and destroy all bikes, and for this he must need extraordinary help! Like Santa. Now how to convince Santa. He then thinks of a plan! A perfect plan! He goes to the north pole and tells Santa that he must assassinate all bikes! Santa of course said “no!”. but then ug said that it would work toward him if he killed all bikes outside of his workshop. Cause then no one would have a bike, he could just make a bike for everyone and he is ready for Christmas. So Santa agrees.            Now Santa has to kill all of the bikes in the world. But how? He knows there is only one way to do it. So he drops to his knees and prays, prays to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. So the FSM appears. He comes and asks what Santa wants. Santa said “I want you to kill every bikes out their! So the FSM thinks about it. Then he said only if you give ug 2000 pounds of TNT. So Santa agrees. The FSM spreads his noodly appendages and said “then let it be done” and disappears.            Now the world is in panic, all their bikes are gone and they have to wait until December 26th to get them, cause you know that they are  visiting relatives and it’s not like they can ride it back. Now then Santa invites ug back down to the north pole and said “ok I dunno why but the FSM wanted me to give this to you” and hands him the TNT. Then ug said “yay” and as he is leaving he throws 2000 pounds of TNT over his shoulder into the workshop. In a quick boom the workshop is destroyed. And with that global warming is solved. Now this is not a true story but it is possible. This could happen if you wanted it to, just stop Christmas and no more temperatures above 120 degrees!

ug vs godzilla
Posted on December 22nd, 2007 at 8:57 pm by peter

One day ug was jumping on the trampoline when all of a sudden, the ground starts to shake. And you know how it is. When something jumps of a trampoline as someone gets down from a jump the someone goes really high. So a meteor hits the trampoline and ug goes so high he starts expanding. Then he starts going back down. And on the way down he sees what is making the ground shake. Godzilla is fighting the British air force! As they charge so bravely into battle. He sees a single plane get knocked down to the ground. It hits the ground and blows up and the battle is over. Now he is thinking well I am going to beat Godzilla! I am going to beat him at his own game!

Now if you did not know, Godzilla is Japanese. So when Godzilla leaves wherever they are, (and to satisfy your hunger to find out where they are we will say Atlantis). Ug spends the next 3.37 days practicing Godzilla’s own game. Then he goes to Japan. He challenges Godzilla to his own game in a cool yet unknown way. Godzilla accept and they head to the arena. The judge steps onto the field and says that there are three rounds, each based on Godzilla’s own game. First round, each contestant must make 1thousand paper cranes while blindfolded. “ready, set, go!”. So they start making cranes. After 3.5 minutes they both are up to 998 cranes when godzilla realizes he might lose he starts throwing cranes at ug in a attempt of cheating, but since they make over 3 a second by the time the first one gets to ug he has won. Yay ug! Second round, each contestant must convince a American to try sushi. Ug is American so thinks this is easy, but the problem is ug will not eat one himself. So while godzilla is making his American beg for some ug is trying to convince himself to eat one. Godzilla wins credibly. Third round, each contestant must successfully stop a meteor from hitting earth. Ug laughs at this. He takes out his portable trampoline and waits. He thinks he is gonna win. But then he realizes godzilla is taller and will swat it away before it can get to him. So he says to godzilla “hey u big and meanie! Ya you. I am gonna beat you with my magic trampoline see it can swat away everything that goes within 1light year of earth!”. Godzilla panics and throws the trampoline into space. It hits Jupiter hard enough it falls back into a mars which explodes destroying everything in the galext but venus, earth, the sun and Uranus. (it actually does destroy Uranus but the gods bring it back cause its name is funny)