xactly
Posted on April 17th, 2010 at 8:23 pm by peter
yes

yes

seeing if this will work lol

Everyone needs a genie story!
Posted on April 12th, 2010 at 8:26 pm by peter

“OH EM GEE!” cried daho. “what are you going to wish for?” “I dunno said josepener. “well no point holding it off any longer.” josepener rubbed the lamp. A genie popped out. “okay thanks for letting me out. I can give you one with now. Anything you could ever want, that is in my power, I will do.”  it said. “okay” he said “I want to be famous!” “well normally I would be able to do that but you’ve got too much acne to be in the lime light for long.” “okay, then I want a miracle acne cream!” “HA!” laughed the genie. “No amount of any cream can cure that mess you call a face!” “okay” grumbled josepener. “I want a million dollars!” “I’ve been stuck in a lamp for 5000 years! Do you really think I have that kind of money?” “okay then what can you do?” he said. “well I can build stuff” said the genie. “Okay then, I want you to build a bridge that starts in china then goes through the us too britain. So I can just get on it and go wherever i want too go.” “naw” the genie said. “too much work, anything else?” Josepener thought for a moment then said, “okay I got it.” “okay well what is it” asked the genie. “I want to understand women!” said josepener with excitement. 

The genie responded “Okay so did you want two or four lanes on that bridge?”

Moral: Really should be self evident.

jose for president.
Posted on April 9th, 2010 at 2:59 pm by peter

“o, holyist of all beings, please present yourself to your most humble pirate!” Josephine was at the top of mount rushmore. She was borrowing the power of 4 of the greatest pastafarians who ever lived too summon the flying spaghetti monster. “We bed you o noodly master, to stop this blight you have set upon our land!” the blight was refering to the zombie apocolypse which was currently happening. The FSM did not come. She had failed. The combined powers of all the greatest presidents had failed. Josephine had only one idea  left that might be able to save the world  from this undead craze it was currently experiencing. “Please?” she muttered. Then as if the flying spaghetti monster was some pissed off righ boy with an ego complex and a mis lead view that people actually cared about manners while they were being chased by zombies, he appeared.

“Jose, thank you for calling me. It took you long enough. I will stop this zombie apocolypse, and I will disregard the fact that it isn’t much of an apocolypse if you survive. For humanity, my gift for them is life. For you, my most worth, humble and polite pirate, I give you a gift, to insure that earth will remain a holy alter to me.”

The fms gave her a device, a special device. That could make anyone in the world think whatever she wanted them too. Although the fSM had wanted her too use it to ensure the world didn’t end, she was but a woman. And had far more earthly desires. So as the FSM left she had only one thing to say too his generosity: “That asshole called me jose!”

When she got home, she wasted no time with earthly powers. She got on the special device and made brad pitt think his best career option was too move to nashville, find the saviour of humanity(or the mass murderer of the zombies, depending on how you looked at it) and work as a slave for her.

Then she made her dad think he needed to leave. She would call him back later after she had her fun.

When Brad Pitt arrived she wasted no time with formalities. She was all like “yo get in the bed. And he did.

After that she made Brad Pitt fall insanely in love with her. Then she got hungry and sent him to Burger King to get a burger. Then she went outside to enjoy the fresh air and make people think she was fit to be president. She went to the pool so she could sit in the life guards seat. As she made more and more people realize how awesome she was, a crowd started to form around the pool cheering her on. After she convinced her neightborhood of her awesomeness, she moved on too the city, then the county, then after she had there support, she moved onto the state of tennessee. But alas somethings aren’t that easy.

A lightning bolt rang down the sky and shattered her so called ‘special device’. Then the FSM came down. “You are stupid!” he boomed with the bluntness of a bat.  “Why would you pick Brad Pitt?! He is OLD! He is so old that when I said ‘let there be light’ he flicked the switch! And past that, Why would you betray me you ungrateful swine! I said that was too make sure people remained holy! Not to fulfil your fantasies!”

“For your crimes I will return the world to a state of suckishness.” Then josephine said “I’d really rather you didn’t do that. Can you please not do that?” The FSM appreciated good manners so he said this “Because you are still holyer then the rest of these baffoons, I shall allow you 10 days to flee before the blight is reserected.”

So Josephine went home. She waited there for her lover, but he did not come for her was still searching for her burger. Then she waited for her dad, but he did not come. She had sent him away and now had no way to bring him back. So she did what people normally doing following the proclamation of a zombie apocolypse. She ate junk food and watched zombie movies, just so she could be prepared.

On the 10th day, Josephine was ready. She had twenty thousand shotgun shells and a womans scorn to help her survive. But even those won’t let her live forever. She needed someone else to help her survive. As soon as she thought that, as if some incredibly talented and handsome writer somewhere wrote it in, brad pitt appeared at her door. She unbarracaded the door and let him in. For she knew that her love, even as a zombie wouldn’t bite her. Unfortunately, as it turned out, Zombieism is a STD and josephine didn’t last nearly as long as she had hoped.

 

Moral: 1/4 people get a STD in there lives. Will you be one of them?