HONEY BUNNY!!
Posted on May 10th, 2010 at 11:03 am by peter

"Does this mean you are rejecting your noodly master?" said taytay. "We can’t reject what doesn’t exist." said the man in lack. "but we have proof ot it! The rising global temperatures, the decrease in temperature, the incread in height…"  "Are all lies! you claim people like me are ruining the world but it is actually you who woul give all the worlds wealth to those who don’t know how to hold it,," TayTay had had enough. "if only you were more coy with your beliefs, you might have survived this night." Then she turned around and started hopping away. The man in black yelled after her "oh look! the rabbit flees! Ha! When you make a threat lke that you should back it up!" TayTay ignored him. She would back it up that night. At the moment she had more important things to do, or rather, she had things that could not be moved as easily.

She walked down the sidewalk a couple of blocks until she came to the house numbers 1134 ootog st. She opened the mailboc and took the keys her previous employer had unwillfully left her. Then she took the car in the driveway. She drove slowely away, She still had an hour before school got out. No need for her to rush.

She checked her watch. 2:35, he would be crossing the street right then, She floored the gas, pushing the car to 150 mph. She turned her eyes to the roar. She would only have a second or two after she turned onto the schools road to aim the car. Plus she had to try and his only the kid as there were probably multiple kids crossing at that time.

She turned onto oak street, passed over a bridge, narrowly misses hitting a school bus, realizes that oak was a tree AND a name of a street and how ironic that is, before finally catching sight of the  boy. She moved her car slightly to the laft and BAM!!!

Her car hits the boy like he is a bag full of tomatoe soup. Luckily the car was already red so no one noticed. Then she sped off to her next target.

She waited outside the court house for 3 hours before he came out. When he di, he was of course surrounded by lawyers. She knew they were for physical protection, As opposed to legal. She knew they were all armed. She hit the gas. The big bunny jumped over her car, but all his lawyers lacked the kind of acrobatics skill and they were crushed liked a beetle under a bulldozer with fat albert driving. She brought the car to a screeching stop. She got out of the car. "hello honey" she said.

She stared at her ex husband, and he stared back in horror. He was taller then her. He was as big as a tree. A tree that happened to be 7 foot three. But she still had the edge on him. She had a womens scorn. And a gun. The gun probably really turned the tables on him. “You’ve been giving away my eggs for too long, honey.” “Screw you!” he said. “good point, you shouldn’t be able to screw anyone.” She fired the gun twice and it was so. The bigger of the bunnies now seemed very small as he was writhing around on the ground in pain. Tay Tay walked over to him and with one bullet into his big buck toothed mouth, she ended it.

After that she went back to the mall. She asked around and found out where the man in black lived. He lived in a big black house with a big black louse. She snuck in through his bedroom window. She was confused as to the best way to kill him. What should she cut first? Or should she use her gun? Maybe cut open his throat so blood ran down into his lungs and he drowned in his own blood? Although the prospect of making him hemmorage was appealing, she instead went for his nose cause how funny would it be to go to sleep happy and wake up noseless?

He woke up screaming. Tay Tay held him down. She had barely started cutting through his nose. It was like she was cutting cardboard with a butter knife. It was working, just slowely.

When she finally got his nose off, he showed it too him and said “See this? Your going to eat this!” She laughed. He closed his mouth, unwilling to choke on his own nose. “fine, want to play it that way do we?” She took her knife and stabbed her blade into his eye hard enough that no part of her knife was visible past the waves of squirting blood. The pain made him scream. She took that opportunity to shove his nose down his throat. Then she let him up. He jumped out the window and ran outside into the street.  He tried to scream but he had no air in his lungs due too it being occupied by his nose. He fell down on the street and waited for death to take him, but Tay Tay wouldn’t make it that easy. Tay Tay straddled over the man in black. She stabbed her knife into his stomach. She made a huge gash into his stomach. She pulled out his intestines, she did it quickly cause he was losing blood and air and like everything he needed to live. He was laying down quietly. She took his intestines and made him sit up to look at her, then she started playing jump rope with them. She did it very well, being a bunny and all. Then the man in black died, she giggled to herself. ‘today was just another day in the life of me’ she thought to herself. Unfortunately, a drunk Josephine klements had just gotten her GED and was celebrating by driving down the street at, well, really fast speeds.

Tay Tay was hit was hit by the car like Earkel would be hit by chuck Norris.

Moral: If you don’t like this story then you can just go away and keep reading your twilight books.

Protected: The beast from R’lyeh
Posted on December 3rd, 2009 at 5:30 pm by peter

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Best day EVER!!!
Posted on October 22nd, 2009 at 6:11 pm by peter

Ok so one time I was walking in the local mall, triangle town center. TTC for short. And it wasn’t just a normal walk in TTC. I had a purpose. See a few months before there was a massive gang fight in the food court there. Some 100 people bashing eachothers heads in. As a result the city decided to pass a new law on the mall. They passed a law that said that no one under the age of 18 can be in the mall after 5 PM on Fridays and Saturdays without a PARENT. That doesn’t include a guardian or other adult figure. But the big deal with this law was that most of the gang members were over 18 and it wasn’t on a Friday or Saturday and it wasn’t after 5 PM. So this law was obviously only made so the lawmakers can act like they are doing something to prevent it from happening again. Even though they are not doing anything at all.

So about two weeks ago I decided I was going to do something about it. I got some guys who were willing too show up with me and picket the place. I thought if we were loud enough and hurt business enough we would be able too force them into changing the law. But I also needed to get someone from the city to propose something that would stop the law. So I went to the internet to look. I started looking through google and I found nothing. So I began too think about my ex and I started wishing that I hadn’t spent 200$ on our last date cause I could really use it too buy the new guitar hero. I have ADHD like that. Can’t pay attention to anything.

So then in my incredibly long train of thought that was completely off the point I started too think that what if there was some sort of law that said we couldn’t protest at the mall? I didn’t know why there would be but I decided to check it out and see. I went to the TTC website and sure enough it said that there was a rule against protesting or converting of any time on TTC property. I looked around for the rest of the night and found nothing that would come close to allowing protesting anything.

The next day when i went to school I asked people about it and they said that it sucked but there was nothing they would do. My friend Bryan told me to just let it go. He said that it didn’t really matter cause no one hung out at the mall after 5 anyway. I decided that everyone else had accepted defeat. I wanted to too. But I wanted too at least put up a good fight before I gave up. That’s why i decided to show up in TTC on that day.

I got there at 3:50 on a Saturday afternoon. That gave me an hour too look around the mall before they would force me out. I started too look around the mall. The mall wasn’t very big and only took about 10 minutes too get walk through completely so after my second time through I got bored and went too the food court. I stayed there by the Italian restaurant. the Italian restaurant doesn’t get too much business this time of day so there were a lot of seats open and no one there to wonder why i was waiting there for 40 minutes.

At 4:50 I left the food court and went to my spot. I had picked it on one of my walks through the mall. It was a great spot on the second floor between the local gaming store and the local chocolate store. I chose the spot because it was unlikely that a parent would go into the store and the child would elect too stay outside.

The intercom came on. “The time is 4:55. If you do not have a parent with you please leave the mall immediately.” I stayed there. The intercom came on again. “The time is 5 O’ clock PM. If you have not left the mall area yet and you are bellow the age of 18 please do so now.” I stayed there. Within a few minutes a mall guard walked up too me and asked me if I was with a parent. “no” I nervously replied. “then your going to have too come with me.” I ignored him. “kid your going to have to come with me and we will call your parents and get them too pick you up.” My nerves were going crazy and I started darting my eyes around the mall looking for something. I just couldn’t stand too look at the mall cop. I knew I couldn’t go with him. But I didn’t know what else too do. He touched my arm and said “kid c’mon lets go.” I screamed “RAPE!!!!” the guard jumped back and I ran. He chased me. Jogging 2 miles a day for a snickers finally paid off. I was just able to keep in front of him. We ran past all the stores. I thought about things that I had bought there as I ran past them. jewelry store where I bought my ex a 50$ necklace. Cookie store where I got a sugar cookie with my dad when he came too visit last time. finally I got too the food court and ran past it. Ahead of me was a long corrider which led outside and too the barnes and noble where I bought like every book I ever bought. I burst through the doors heading too the book store and as I started sprinting towards it I realized that there was a mall guard directly 30 feet in front of me. I turned a hard right busting my ankle a bit, but getting away from him. I ran back into the mall. I saw the food court ahead of me and I decided I would run through it and go out the other exit. but should I use the escalator or stairs? or elevator? those thoughts may be small but they were crucial if i wanted to escape the mall. I didn’t have time to make the choice. Between me and all of those choices was another mall cop. I looked behind me and the other one was closing fast. I had to make a split second decision. I turned slightly too the right so I would get to the ledge right before I met the mall cop. I was getting the the ledge quickly but the mall cop put on a burst of speed. I had to redirect my path directly right and into the ledge and hope there was nothing bellow to hurt my fall. I hit the ledge hard with my left foot. I jumped down. I was scared too look down and see a little kid under me. But I knew jumping 15 feet with your eye closed was a stupid idea. I looked down and thank you god! there was no one and nothing bellow me. In mid flight I realized I had hurt my ankle before. I hit the ground and lost balance and fell. I heard a crack in my ankle. Instincts told me to get up and I did. My ankle was hurt. But I could still run on it for the time being.

I ran down the mall. I stopped right before the food court. I peeked in and there was no mall cops. I would hate to have been cornered in the food court. I went to the italian restaurant. A few people were there. I look around and saw a family of 7 with two adults trying to keep control over 5 kids. Three of them triplets. I looked at the other table. There was a women who looked sorta old. When she opened her mouth I saw she was missing some teeth. I felt my stomach turn a bit and I looked at the nearest thing to her that wasn’t her. Sitting across the table from her was a girl. I couldn’t tell how old she was. I only saw the back of her head. Then I heard the older women with no teeth say she was going to get some more food. The girl sitting across from her said ok and she was going to come with, for some napkins. I scooted in my chair too let the older one through. Then as the other one said excuse me I was about too say “oh no prob” when I saw her. My mouth immediately dropped and the words got stuck. I was shocked. She stared back at me and walked by. Then she went too the restaurant and got some napkins. Some time when she was coming back I remembered too close my mouth. She was the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen. She smiled at me and walked by. I started thinking about whether I should go talk to her. I decided too do it. I walked up to her. “hey ummmmm how are you?” while saying the worst pick up line in the world my mind was racing with thoughts of commercials about candy and other chocolate substances. I hate ADHD… She opened her mouth. My social life hinged on what she was about too say. Was she going to tell me how her day was? Was she going to ask my name? Was she going too tell me i’m a creep and to go away? She said “you might wanna go.” My suddenly shattered and my pulse stopped. I was rejected. “wha’ why? Would your mom be mad if she saw us?” she said no and pointed 10 feet behind me was a familiar face. I shoved the table town and kicked it at the mall guard. I ran through the doors completely forgetting about the beautiful girl and running home with a successful failure of a protest under my belt.

The next day I thought I should do that again but next time I should invite all my friends. We could have like a group protest. Or a group running away from mall cops thingymajig. Wasn’t really a protest. That night we all went too the movie. Me and my friends and there girl friends. I told them that I had to get picked up by 11. They all had cars and didn’t worry about that stuff. We went to the movie and it sucked. It was boring as hell. But the only thing worse then watching a boring movie is writing a review about it so you won’t get too know how bad it was. After them movie we went to burger king. I ordered then I reminded them that I only had 20 minutes before my ride would get there. They decided to ditch me to go to a party at cookout. I didn’t care too much. They wanted to go to a party and I wasn’t going to make them stay with me and miss the party just cause I don’t have a car. I got my food and I sat down. I looked around the burger king for a tv because I hate eating food with nothing too do. It’s so much better too be reading or watching something while you eat. I didn’t see one so I got up and headed outside for a newspaper. As I was about to get too the door I looked to my right and there was a drop dead beautiful girl sitting there. Eating a cheeseburger. I didn’t recognize her at first but I didn’t need too. “Hey aren’t you that guy that was running from the mall police yesterday?” “ya! r u a fan?” I said without choking up.  I sat next too her and we started talking. “Whats your name?” “carrie, you?” “peter, haha I thought I wouldn’t see you after yesterday” “haha well I guess sometimes people are just meant too see each other.” I took that as a sign to go in. “so hows the…” i choked up “ummm sorry I didn’t catch that?” she said. no turning back now. “hows the love life?” she looked away “ummm it’s ok. I have a boyfriend.” My heart sunk. “oh…” “but you seem like a cool person! Do you have a facebook?” she said “ya” i replied, and I gave it too her.

I left for home 2 minutes later. I added her on facebook as soon as I got home. Then I jumped around my room for three hours. Giddy with excitement. It’s weird what rejection and a successfully failed protest can do to a guy with ADHD.

remember that one time?
Posted on October 18th, 2009 at 9:06 am by peter

Ok so I was sleeping. I was having really horrible dreams too. Me and my ex had just seen each other for the first time since the breakup and we were arguing. Then suddenly and out nowhere she turned into a ton of ants and ate me. It wasn’t fun… But then I woke up. Which wasn’t fun either cause for some reason the ants were still there and they were climbing all over my walls. I was too tired too do anything and I figured the ants would go away. So I sat back down and prepared to sleep a bit longer. As I put my left hand behind my head i noticed a meaty stick had somehow gotten under my head. Upon further examination I figured out that it was a arm. I freaked out and sat up to figure who I had drunkenly slept with. When I sat up I couldn’t see anyone in my bed so I decided the best way to figure out whose arm it was was to follow the arm to its body. So I started at the hand. Then I traced the hand to the arm. Then I followed the arm to the shoulder. Then I was looking directly down and It looked as if it was my own arm. But I could not feel it nor could I move it. But it was in fact attached too my body so I had too assume that it was mine. As I was about to go back to sleep I realized that not being able to move your arm is bad and I should probably figure out why I can’t move it. Or call 911. I tried to think where the phone was. It was in the living room and I was really tired to I decided I would try to move my arm and if that worked I would forget it and catch some Z’s for a bit. So I laid down with my devalued arm by my head. I tried to move it to my stomach and I failed. Then I figured it would be the same when I woke up and I closed my eyes. But I remembered the ants and woke up to check if they were still there. They were not and I almost went back too sleep. I figured I should give my arm one more chance not to send me too sleep mad. So with my arm by my head I tried to move it too my stomach, and slowly it creep’d over to my stomach. I was actually saddened by this because it meant I would be able to fix my arm before I caught some more Zs and that I would have to wait a couple mins longer. I was really tired. Damn ants had to wake me up. So I tried to move my arm at the elbow with no luck. Then I tried to move the fingers and nothing happened. But I could move my arm sideways now so that was a plus. I spent a few minutes doing that before I realized I had regained feeling all the way to my elbow and I celebrated by moving my newly recovered elbow. Then I tried to move my fingers and they wouldn’t budge. So I spend a few more minutes moving my arm AND elbow. I then thought of why this had happened and remembered that I had woken up too a strange meaty thing being behind my head. And I decided that the nightmare had caused me to roll around in my sleep and my head decided too put my arm in a armlock all night. After I figured this out I checked if I had feeling back in my fingers and there was none. But I could sort of move my fingers. And that was a plus. So I figured that with the incredable armlessness emergency avoided I could go too sleep. And I woke up with good arms and no ants on my walls.