to keep a good house you need to write it, then publish it before you meanie face jr aunt cant steal it! which she will! she will slowely earn you trust…. then she will steal it! she will steal it like a person who cant write a good metaphor/simile! she will urge you to drop out and become one of those people who can see the future! like a sorta oricle thing. LOL, which she needs to be taught to do……  but then you realize you really cant see the future and you quit to be a airline pilot. then your sorta thankful for the whole write brothers thing cause they gave you a job. so you build a time machine to go into the past and thank them. then you realize your pretty smart and you become a scientist. and you realize that you didnt really need the write brothers. so you destroy your time machine as you dont need it anymore.  then you realize thats the only thing you could make. you fail as a scientist and you go poor and die of a alien attack. the attack lasted 4 years though. that means if you had your time machine you could have went back in time and told yourself that you could have saved mankind. lucky all the lesbians survived.

so you can thank your aunt for killing all men. then thank whoever let women have babies with other women. then thank me with a gift basket of minimuffins for warning you.

my address is 1600 penselvania AVE

the poopy bread!

now we have all heard of white bread and some of us might have heard of wheat bread but has anyone heard of poopy bread?  yes!

poopy bread is the sensation that is sweeping the nation! people all across america (exluding canada cause they wierd) are tasting this new taste of amazing value and vertue. if u think you have seen good poopy bread, then try it with some mayo and holapeneos. yum yum. now what is poopy  bread made of? well in truth poopy bread is not made of poop at all. it is actually made of camals spleen. i know….

next time we go to egypt we need to eat some camals spleen!

one day in china…

one day in chinatown thier was this one chinese leader named ollie tabooger. ollie was bored after losing 8000000004 red pandas to a manacocker. he decided to make a army of giant cats to conquer sweden now conquering sweden was no easy task. first he would have to ask thier lunch(the dog(or as they would say the overlord of cats)if they could borrow some cats). so he went to his dining hall and asked his lunch if he could burrow some cats to attack sweden. the dog said “if you beat me in ping pong i will let it be done”. ollie said ”ha! little do you know that i am the world champion in ping pong!”said ollie. so they went to  the national ping pong hall in the dwarven mountains to play ping pong. but when they got their they discovered that the dwarves were defeated by the cyclones! so they summoned the power of thor to smite those who go against them! so the conquered cyclones joined ollies army and they played ping pong. 

                    

the match!

no one actually cares about the match so i will just skip it. the dogs one 8004 to -34000. so since 34000-8004=25995 they got 25995 cats. yay. then the chinese ate the dogs and took the rest of the cats. now they were ready to invade sweden! they moved thier army into position  when suddenly a huge army of giant pig came from venus and attacked their 400000000004 cats. the cats fight hard but the pigs are too strong! the cyclones are now ollies last hope. the cyclones pull out thier guns and started shooting down all the pigs. but the pigs were too great in number! the cyclones ran. they ran all the way to tralfamador where they mated and started a new race of tralfamadoreons. now back on earth ollie was selibrating his victory while playing ping pong and hopskotch. YAY OLLIE!