argh
Posted on November 19th, 2010 at 11:15 pm by peter

okay so I’m writing this big long story that’s a few thousand words and I got tired so I wrote this. I’m not planning on it winning a hugo so don’t worry about it lol.

Every day, there was a pianist, who lived in a hotel in New York City. Every day at about 6 in the afternoon he would leave his little apartment and walk to his job in an unimportant restaurant a couple minutes away.

At about the same time, there would be a little known taxi driver who would be going through the same street every day, to try and give rides to everyone taking the night shift. He would stop and let a little old baker cross, then continue on his way.

And there was that little old baker who lived on nameless street. Every afternoon, a woman with 2 children would come in, buy a croissant, then leave for work.

On the same street on which the woman with 2 children would get a package for her work, go across the street and buy a croissant from the baker, then she’d deliver the package to her work.

In the same city there was a delivery truck driver who would get a few packages from the friendly man with a beard, he would drive around the city delivering packages and would always remember to deliver to the woman with two children.

At the same delivery service, there would be a friendly man with a beard, he would get a few packages and he would put them on the trucks and send them off to their destinations.

Living in the same apartment as the friendly man with the beard, was his roommate. He was the jolly sort of fellow with a good girlfriend who he loved very much.

A few blocks down the street was a girlfriend. She would go to class all day and study all night. She was determined to succeed in life.

Of course eventually determined people succeed correct?

One day, the girlfriend got a letter that said she was accepted to her favorite university. She quickly packed up her life and left. Deciding that she can’t bring her boyfriend, she ended their relationship.

A few blocks down the street there lived a roommate who had just had his life crushed. He took his friend with the beard and went clubbing to sooth his troubled heart.

But that turned out to not be such a good idea, because the friendly man with the beard got a little too drunk and got to work late. As a result, all of the delivery trucks ran a little late.

The delivery truck driver made up a little time, but he didn’t get to the woman with two children’s hours until late.

The woman with two children didn’t get the package until around the time the bakery was closing. She ran across the street and got there just as he locked the door.

The baker locked the front door just as a the woman with two children came up behind him. She asked him if he could let her in but the baker refused since he had already thrown out the scrap food.

The taxi driver got to the same traffic stop as usual, this time he didn’t see the baker anywhere so he didn’t stop. He kept driving and got to the next intersection just a few seconds early. He bent down to get a bag of chips from under the seat.

The pianist stepped into the road as he always did, he stepped into the street, he looked to his left and saw a taxi cab coming towards him, he froze. “Stop!” he said, but to no luck. The taxi kept coming towards him. He turned around and made a beeline back to the sidewalk, but he the taxi was coming to fast. The pianist slipped and fell. With the taxi bearing down on him and the driver utterly unaware there was nothing to do. The pianist held up his hands, as if it would ease the pain to come.

“Taxi” yelled someone on the sidewalk. The taxi cab driver heard what always come as bliss to a cabby’s ears, and screeched his car to a halt. The pianist was saved, he got up and went on his way. The cab driver went on his way, having recently earned a new customer, and the woman with 2 children who unknowingly saved someone’s life that day.

He went blind.
Posted on August 28th, 2010 at 8:44 pm by peter

The ambulance shook as it raced down the road. George was rocked silly as the gurney he was on shook with the drivers crazy turns. He could feel the paramedics touching him and searching for some sort of bruise or mark that showed he hurt something. They had asked him a few questions earlier just because they couldn’t believe he just woke up blind like he had. It was sort of hard to believe. He went to sleep last night with 20/20 vision and woke up blind. It was truly crazy. He couldn’t believe it himself. After he accepted that he actually couldn’t see, he grabbed his cell of the nightstand and called 911.

George felt the ambulance and the paramedics pulled him out and took him inside. They took him to the ER where more doctors came and tested him then retested on him. After a few hours of the blood testing and tissue testing and so many other testings, they finally gave up. They pushed him to the ‘intensive care’ unit and left him their for the rest of the day,or night. He wasn’t sure since he woke up at an unknown point in the day and that was an unknown amount of time ago. A few nurses came in and talked to him but he didn’t say much. He wasn’t much of a ‘talker’. He got one of them to turn on the radio and listened to that. Since it was playing continuous music with no commentary, he assumed it was night. He fell asleep. When he woke up the radio was on 103.2 ‘the quack’. Which made him ecstatic. He hated the radio station but he knew who listened to it. “Cassey?” He said. “George your awake. That’s great. How are you? Good?”  “Well I can’t see, but other then that I’m good.” She was trying to sound excited but she was obviously far more nervous. “Ya about that. Umm” She hesitated to say it. “The doctor says it’s not a temporary thing. He says your permanently blind.” Georges heart dropped at the word ‘permanently’. “He said that? Did he say why I’m blind?” “No and there’s something else.” “George had been in this position before and thought he knew what was going she was going to say, but he couldn’t believe it. “I’m in a difficult spot in my life” She waited for a reply. “So?” George waited for her to further ruin his life. “I think I should go. And I don’t think I’m going to come back. Goodbye.”  He heard her footsteps as she left his room. George laid his bed back. He tried to comprehend what just happened. But the doctor came in right after she left. He was silent. Never a good sign. “I have good news, I’ve found out why your blind.” “But you can’t fix it?” “oh, well um yes we can’t fix it.” “Well tell me then, why is my life over?” “Well when was the last time you talked to your parents?” “10 years ago when I was 18. They are religious nut jobs and I hate them. That’s why they aren’t here.” He heard the doctor pull up the chair to his bed. “Well we called your parents and they are here. ” Georges felt himself get mad. Stupid doctors going behind his back like that. “Do you ever remember your dad saying if you masturbate to much you can go blind?” “Ya but why the  BEEP does that matter?” “Hey don’t use that kind of language.” He hadn’t heard his dad enter but he was already annoyed with them. “Well you see…” The doctor started. “are you kidding me?” George shouted in disbelief.” “Told you so.” His dad said.

Everyone needs a genie story!
Posted on April 12th, 2010 at 8:26 pm by peter

“OH EM GEE!” cried daho. “what are you going to wish for?” “I dunno said josepener. “well no point holding it off any longer.” josepener rubbed the lamp. A genie popped out. “okay thanks for letting me out. I can give you one with now. Anything you could ever want, that is in my power, I will do.”  it said. “okay” he said “I want to be famous!” “well normally I would be able to do that but you’ve got too much acne to be in the lime light for long.” “okay, then I want a miracle acne cream!” “HA!” laughed the genie. “No amount of any cream can cure that mess you call a face!” “okay” grumbled josepener. “I want a million dollars!” “I’ve been stuck in a lamp for 5000 years! Do you really think I have that kind of money?” “okay then what can you do?” he said. “well I can build stuff” said the genie. “Okay then, I want you to build a bridge that starts in china then goes through the us too britain. So I can just get on it and go wherever i want too go.” “naw” the genie said. “too much work, anything else?” Josepener thought for a moment then said, “okay I got it.” “okay well what is it” asked the genie. “I want to understand women!” said josepener with excitement. 

The genie responded “Okay so did you want two or four lanes on that bridge?”

Moral: Really should be self evident.

The aunt without a shift key
Posted on October 12th, 2008 at 12:25 am by peter

One day in a land far far away(from you, really near me) thier was a aunt who ate toads, but one day……

ok never mind iv decided that was a pretty boring story. Who really cares about a aunt who eats toads? and what is the difference between a toad and a frog? So instead i will tell you about the aunt who was overly obsessed with using Shift key.

So thier was this aunt who like using the shift key…. then one day as she was typing a good housekeeping story that she stole from her nephew she heard a slight crack from behind her. She spun around, but found only the wall(or whatever is behind her when she types) thier. When she returned to the computer she gasped in horror as she realized her shift key was missing! “Oh the pain! the ironic pain that I, being such a meanie attempted to force my nephew to use proper capitalization before losing my own shift key! Now he will know me for the fraud I am cause I will no longer be able to capitalize!” she searched the room quickly. When she failed to locate it thier she searched her apartment/house. When she failed in her desperate attempt to find it she expanded the search! She called 911 but they just said they were not going to help with such a stupid crime as a lost shift key. “no one even uses them anymore. Capitalization is a lost art, like paying your nephews for no other reason then they make great stories.” she then tried to say that the shift key had been a anciant artifact she had dug up a year before from the grave of einstien. It worked at first, but then they realized someone as smart as einstien would not use a shiftkey. She searched and searched and searched the world over, twice. Untill finally she decided to do the last thing she could possibly do. The last plan of action. Plan f, it would have been plan A but she was not smart enough to think it up prior to this moment. So she ran down to northcarolina <–actually she took a bus) and she ran into her nephews house while he was sleeping. She found his laptop and she ripped the keyboard off it. Then she ran back to her little hole in NYC and glued the shift key onto her laptop. She breathed a sigh of relief as she sat back into her chair and started typing her next boring story which may be sold although i doubt she will pay 10% to her nephew like she promised(in her head).

Some may say that this story is a lie and it didnt actually happen. But see part of it already did. Thats why im up at 2 in the morning, im waiting here for her, im willing to defend my shift key with my(insert thing your willing to give up here). Why else would I bother to write this boring story, which by the way, I used capslock on. Not one capitalized letter was capitalized with the shift key. Hows that for irony eh? And why is it called irony? Steel is better. It should be called steelony. Or since I realized that it should be peterony. Now who doesnt like the sound of that?

568 words! (these included). ouch