jose for president.
Posted on April 9th, 2010 at 2:59 pm by peter

“o, holyist of all beings, please present yourself to your most humble pirate!” Josephine was at the top of mount rushmore. She was borrowing the power of 4 of the greatest pastafarians who ever lived too summon the flying spaghetti monster. “We bed you o noodly master, to stop this blight you have set upon our land!” the blight was refering to the zombie apocolypse which was currently happening. The FSM did not come. She had failed. The combined powers of all the greatest presidents had failed. Josephine had only one idea  left that might be able to save the world  from this undead craze it was currently experiencing. “Please?” she muttered. Then as if the flying spaghetti monster was some pissed off righ boy with an ego complex and a mis lead view that people actually cared about manners while they were being chased by zombies, he appeared.

“Jose, thank you for calling me. It took you long enough. I will stop this zombie apocolypse, and I will disregard the fact that it isn’t much of an apocolypse if you survive. For humanity, my gift for them is life. For you, my most worth, humble and polite pirate, I give you a gift, to insure that earth will remain a holy alter to me.”

The fms gave her a device, a special device. That could make anyone in the world think whatever she wanted them too. Although the fSM had wanted her too use it to ensure the world didn’t end, she was but a woman. And had far more earthly desires. So as the FSM left she had only one thing to say too his generosity: “That asshole called me jose!”

When she got home, she wasted no time with earthly powers. She got on the special device and made brad pitt think his best career option was too move to nashville, find the saviour of humanity(or the mass murderer of the zombies, depending on how you looked at it) and work as a slave for her.

Then she made her dad think he needed to leave. She would call him back later after she had her fun.

When Brad Pitt arrived she wasted no time with formalities. She was all like “yo get in the bed. And he did.

After that she made Brad Pitt fall insanely in love with her. Then she got hungry and sent him to Burger King to get a burger. Then she went outside to enjoy the fresh air and make people think she was fit to be president. She went to the pool so she could sit in the life guards seat. As she made more and more people realize how awesome she was, a crowd started to form around the pool cheering her on. After she convinced her neightborhood of her awesomeness, she moved on too the city, then the county, then after she had there support, she moved onto the state of tennessee. But alas somethings aren’t that easy.

A lightning bolt rang down the sky and shattered her so called ‘special device’. Then the FSM came down. “You are stupid!” he boomed with the bluntness of a bat.  “Why would you pick Brad Pitt?! He is OLD! He is so old that when I said ‘let there be light’ he flicked the switch! And past that, Why would you betray me you ungrateful swine! I said that was too make sure people remained holy! Not to fulfil your fantasies!”

“For your crimes I will return the world to a state of suckishness.” Then josephine said “I’d really rather you didn’t do that. Can you please not do that?” The FSM appreciated good manners so he said this “Because you are still holyer then the rest of these baffoons, I shall allow you 10 days to flee before the blight is reserected.”

So Josephine went home. She waited there for her lover, but he did not come for her was still searching for her burger. Then she waited for her dad, but he did not come. She had sent him away and now had no way to bring him back. So she did what people normally doing following the proclamation of a zombie apocolypse. She ate junk food and watched zombie movies, just so she could be prepared.

On the 10th day, Josephine was ready. She had twenty thousand shotgun shells and a womans scorn to help her survive. But even those won’t let her live forever. She needed someone else to help her survive. As soon as she thought that, as if some incredibly talented and handsome writer somewhere wrote it in, brad pitt appeared at her door. She unbarracaded the door and let him in. For she knew that her love, even as a zombie wouldn’t bite her. Unfortunately, as it turned out, Zombieism is a STD and josephine didn’t last nearly as long as she had hoped.

 

Moral: 1/4 people get a STD in there lives. Will you be one of them?

heh, they talk about the flying spaghetti monster
Posted on February 14th, 2009 at 2:43 pm by peter


Posted on November 29th, 2007 at 8:22 pm by peter

what is pastafarian
Posted on November 29th, 2007 at 8:15 pm by peter

we believe in the flying spagetti monster, also known as the fsm. it created all of mankind. everything you found from the past was planted by the pastafarian. it is really spagetti like.

pastafarian
Posted on November 29th, 2007 at 8:05 pm by peter

ok this is my new religion. please do not mock me or accept me, it is just the way i am.

the religion is the title,comma