shorter jokes
Posted on October 2nd, 2007 at 7:04 pm by peter

The trouble with lawyer jokes are: Lawyers don’t think they 
are funny, and other people don’t think they are jokes!

Q and A 

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: Your honor.

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: The tick stops draining you and drops off after you’re dead.

Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: Did you hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.

If a vampire bites a lawyer, isn’t that cannibalism?

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

    After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.  Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal.  For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.  Don’t burden him with chores.

    Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse.   No nagging.  And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.  If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife.  “What did the doctor say?”

“He said you’re going to die,”  she replied.

A Texan, a Canadian, and a guy from Michigan are out riding horses. The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle of whiskey, takes a shot, then another, and suddenly throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots
the bottle in mid air. The Canadian looks at him and says, “What are you doing?! That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!” 

The Texan says, “In Texas, there’s plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap.”    A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Canadian pulls out a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it. The guy from Michigan can’t believe this and says, “What did you do that for? That was an expensive bottle of Champagne!”The Canadian says “In Canada there’s plenty of Champagne and bottles are cheap.”

    So a while later the guy from Michigan pulls out a bottle of beer. He opens it, takes a sip, takes another sip, and then chugs the rest. He then puts the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, turns around and shoots the Canadian.

The Texan, shocked, says, “Why did you do that?”

    The guy from Michigan says, “Well, in Michigan, we have plenty of Canadians, but bottles are worth a dime.”

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